What began as a symptom of a greater illness called rhyme-disease culminated in chronic puns, both intended and unintended. Mr. Pham’s students, over the past 15+ years, endured his dad-jokes (though he’s still single and yet to father any biological offspring), but this wonder pun was the perfect specimen: a quadruple pun in one, tying not only traditional Catholic terms and symbols (canons, birettas, the St. Benedict Medal), but also featuring our part of the three-layer-prayer of the Church Suffering (in Purgatory), the Church Militant (on earth), and the Church Triumphant (in Heaven).

And now: YOU CAN WEAR IT on your sleeve, and over your heart. And over your entire upper body. In dozens of color schemes:

Want one? Visit my Venmo shop here or my EBay shop here. Only $20 each for S, M, L, XL (extra for XXL, XXXL) and shipping in continental USA is FREE, for a limited time! Thank you for your support, and may God bless you.

The full breakdown:

• Birettas: the little hat Roman Catholic priests used to wear | Berettas: firearms from a 500-year-old Italian weapons manufacturer
• Canons: the Roman Canon is the official Eucharistic prayer of the Roman Catholic Church, and is even older than the New Testament | Cannons: weapons that fire artillery
• Missals: the book containing the prayers and rubrics of the Roman Catholic Mass | Missiles: self-propelled ballistic rockets
• Worship: the praise and adoration Roman Catholics offer to God | Warship: massive ships that carry weapons and soldiers into naval battles
• The letters in the cross: Crux Sacra Sit Mihi Lux, Non Draco Sit Mihi Dux | these abbreviations are from the Benedictine Cross, a powerful medal with excoriating exorcistic prayers against demons. The phrase means: the Holy Cross be my light, never the dragon be my guide.