Special Deliverance

I just finished reading a book!

The book is Matt Fradd‘s Delivered. It’s a great collection of nine testimonials from men and women who once were or are struggling to be free from pornography addiction.Delivered

Yes, there is such a disorder as porn addiction, and if you don’t believe me, consider this article, and this article, and this one too… and this one. (Btw, the last one was made by an ex-porn actress.)

And if you were or are addicted to porn, if you are tempted, if you think porn is harmless, please know that I was like you.

I was caught up in lust starting from a very young age. I remember the first incident was when I was in fifth grade, and it worsened when my family got Internet for the first time (in 1998 – yes, I just showed my age) and I was trapped for ten years.

For ten years I abused women and girls by lusting after them. I abused my imagination, my body, my freedom, my desire to love. I was butchering my ability to truly love and to truly be loved.

Then in 2006, I was Holy Smacked in the face. I was punched with this insight: “The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much, but because it shows too little.”

That’s right. Read that quote again: Porn is not showing too much — it’s not showing enough! So… what is there more to see?

How about all of her? She has a name. The girl is someone’s daughter. She’s someone’s sister. Someone’s granddaughter. The woman is someone’s wife, someone’s mother, someone’s aunt. She is someone’s friend. She has dreams, goals, aspirations. She has a childhood, a history, a whole life-experience. She’s not just a body, she’s not just body parts. She has an irreplaceable soul, a unique mind, a heart made for love.

The most beautiful part of a woman is her. All of her.

And porn blinds us from seeing all of her for who she is. Porn blinds us from seeing anyone for who they are, including the person who uses it. There’s so much more to a person than we can see (If you don’t believe it, look over a copy of Delivered for yourself).

My life changed when I realized this (via the Theology of the Body). Actually, my life more than changed, I felt more free, strong, manly and a follower of Jesus than ever before. I even saw more in girls and women than I could ever see while trapped in lust. Today, whenever I see a beautiful person, I stop and sigh a prayer: “Oh Mary, conceived without sin, pray for this person, and all her beloveds, for they all have recourse to thee.”

And if she’s especially beautiful to me, then I pray and pray and pray for her to be safe from my lust and the lusts of others. I pray over and over, and thank God for creating and nurturing this person, and I pray for her to become a saint. And by this time, I think so much about who she is that I’m too lost in wonder with God to start lusting.

What just happened there? What exactly?

I just turned the temptation to abuse the woman into a reminder to pray for her and thank the Lord. And guess what: that really annoys the devil. REALLY ANNOYS that leech! And he can’t do anything about it.

Last thing: Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t feel tempted anymore. I’ll be tempted until I die. But now the chains are off, and I know where the gun safe is, and I know how to aim and shoot.

[Click on the safe for your own weapons.]

[Click on the safe for your own weapons.]

What’s Wrong with Being Lazy?

Hello Readers! If you’re in the mood for a rant, read on. If you’re not in the mood, read anyway because I got some good points to make — promise! 😛

[The following is a repost from my previous failed blog]:

I use to work in a place where pop music played all day on the stereo. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even hear pop music.

But I hear it, and I listen… and I think about what I listen to.

And I’d like to share what I think about this song. Is it bad? Is it ugly? Is it worse yet? Call me a pessimist, but I specialize in negative reviews – but I’ll try my darndest to be constructive and charitable.

So here goes: the song that put me over is Mr. Mars’ “The Lazy Song”. We’ll start with that…

First, the lyrics:

[The only thing worse than failure itself is knowing you could’ve done so much better.]

Today I don’t feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
‘Cause today I swear I’m not doing anything
I’m gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody’s gon’ tell me I can’tI’ll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my Snuggie
Click to MTV so they can teach me how to dougie
‘Cause in my castle I’m the freaking manOh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it ’cause I can

Today I don’t feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
‘Cause today I swear I’m not doing anything
Nothing at all, nothing at all

Tomorrow I’ll wake up, do some P90X
Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex
And she’s gonna scream out
This is great
(Oh my god, this is great)

Yeah, I might mess around
And get my college degree
I bet my old man will be so proud of me
But sorry pops, you’ll just have to wait

Oh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it ’cause I can

Today I don’t feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
‘Cause today I swear I’m not doing anything

No, I ain’t gonna comb my hair
‘Cause I ain’t going anywhere
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

I’ll just strut in my birthday suit
And let everything hang loose
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, today I don’t feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
‘Cause today I swear I’m not doing anything

Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all

 

Second, he swears he’s not doing anything today – just laying in bed all day. I say: “Waste of time! Don’t waste a day doing nothing… every day is a chance to love and to spend time with those you love. What if your wife died the day you were doing nothing? Your kids got gunned down while you snoozed? Your best friend needed your help while you ignored your phone? Just because you don’t feel like doing anything doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything.”

He also doesn’t want to spend time with any person. BUT he’ll gladly spend time with TV. Does he have no friends? (How tragic… maybe he should go meet some!) Does he love playing staring-contest with a fan THAT MUCH?

That’s a pretty lame and lonesome castle he lives in… all by himself, nobody visiting… if he was your king and ruler – would you respect him for doing that all day? Spending quality time with television and turning you away from his door and phone? By the way, of course he’s the freaking man of his castle – there’s no one else there!

Now the really insulting part – I actually felt offended for women everywhere – he’s going to “find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex”. He’s going to find her as if she was some object to pick out from others, and if she’s nice enough (whatever that means), he’ll have sex. No, he’s not out to meet a woman – a person – he’s out to find a nice toy to satisfy himself. Even if she screams “out this is great,” he’ll get back to doing nothing again. He’ll snooze away, ditch her, ignore her… treating her like a prostitute – some doll with a pull-string. Nothing special.

No woman is a prostitute. Deep down, inside and out, they all deserve to be loved.

And then, after that abuse, he’ll go get a degree – and his old man will be proud of him? After he womanized a girl (a “girl” – not a “woman”… sounds like pedophilia to me), his dad would be proud of him? If I had a son who did that, I wouldn’t write what I’d do because it’d frighten people. It doesn’t matter how many degrees he has – he remains a failure if he remains a womanizer. It doesn’t matter what he has if he doesn’t first have love for others.

I think I’ve made my case.
And I think this song has no case at all, no… nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all. Oooo, oooo, oooo, oooo…

Professor-X is a Priest!

ProfXI’m not an X-Men fan, so forgive me if I get this wrong, but Professor-X did something pretty superhuman once, when he was a young man.

Duh, right? Charles Xavier is a telepathic mutant, of course he can do superhuman things: read minds, erase memories, create dreams and illusions. But I bet you missed one in the film X-Men: First Class. I almost missed it too! Until I watched more carefully, more thoughtfully.

MoiraCharlesIn the movie, Charles meets and becomes friends with a CIA agent, Moira MacTaggert. Throughout the story, the two grow closer and their alliance matures into friendship, and in the end, their friendship blossoms into a sweeter love. If you haven’t watched the film yet, sorry — deal with the spoiler!

So in one of the last scenes, Moira leans down to kiss the paralyzed Charles. And there it is! That’s when it happens! That’s when Professor-X rises to the challenge.

Professor-X chooses the discipline of celibacy.

Not because he doesn’t love Moira, not because he wants to be lonesome, not because he’s afraid of marriage and sacrifice and fidelity.

Nope. Professor-X chooses celibacy because he cares so much about Moira, because he’s responsible for way too many others to just marry and live a simple life with her, because he can’t live a simple life — period! — and because he wants to live a life of extreme sacrifice and fidelity for others (mutant or not).

Professor-X chooses what all solid Catholic priests choose. A priest, in a sense, is a man who cannot love just one, but desires to love many and to lay his life down for their lives. He wants to offer his maleness, his masculinity in a way that serves others, and not merely himself. He becomes a brother to all, a son to all, a father to all.

Celibacy allows a man to live simply, to have the ease of going off on a mission at a moment’s notice. He doesn’t have to worry about who to care for first, whose attention he should tend to first. The question: “My family, or everyone else?” doesn’t happen to him. Because in celibacy, “everyone else” IS HIS FAMILY.

And that’s what Professor-X realized. He needed to overcome his natural, good and human want to marry a woman and start a family with her. He and celibate priests choose to go beyond the call of nature and love more, and more, and more.

This goes for religious sisters and nuns also! They choose to be a sister to all, a daughter to all, a mother to all. It’s for the same superhuman reasons, and since it’s superhuman, not all persons desire it, and even less achieve it: the level of love involved and demanded is intense.

That leads us to this common misconception: “If priests aren’t allowed to marry, then they will act out their desires in horrible ways, like abusing children and others!”

But think about this: If a man marries so that his desires won’t come out in horrible and abusive ways… then I feel scared for his wife and kids! Marriage and love is not some sort of release valve for a lustful and abusive person! If that’s how the man is, then for the sake of humanity, keep him away until he grows up into a real man: someone who follows that love is sacrifice for the good of others, not for gaining selfish pleasures!

Any man who sees marriage as some release valve for his desires should never marry, and should never ever be a priest. He must master his lust first: he must let God’s grace transform his restless lust into restless and selfless service. He must rise to the superhuman challenge. Because women deserve better, don’t they? Because the Church deserves better, doesn’t she? Because all of us children deserve better, didn’t you know?

Papa to the world

And Grandfather To All!

P.s. Even Professor-X’s name gives it away! “Charles FRANCIS XAVIER”? Come on… like what Catholic hasn’t at least heard of Saint Francis Xavier?!

P.p.s. The discipline of priestly celibacy goes even deeper than these practical reasons, but that conversation is for another time.

Made of Love, Made for Love

Dear readers,
Today I’d like to share with you the Theology of the Body (TOB). In short, it’s an insight, a philosophy, a rejuvenating lifestyle that saved my life in October of 2006 and changed my life forever. Nothing’s been the same since — in fact, I divide my life into two parts: BTOB and ATOB [BEFORE Theology of the Body and AFTER Theology of the Body]. This past weekend, I celebrated my Sixth Year of Purity and reflected on how far I’ve come from where I was, and how beautiful the destination ahead looks. Honestly… it’s something you gotta see to believe.

I due time, I’ll tell you more about it from my personal perspective, but for now, may I introduce to you Sister Jane Dominic Laurel. Below is a link to her TOB talks. I just finished the final video and quiz (see if you can beat my score!) and cannot wait to share them with you all. Please give Sister a chance at your attention, and hang on. Even if you’re already familiar with TOB, I don’t think you’ve seen it from this perspective yet! Don’t let me be the only one!

Sister Jane’s “Rich Gift of Love” series.

Just Too Beautiful

I once heard a friend say this, and what she said shocked me:

“No matter how much a man tries, he can never be a woman. Women are just too beautiful.”

I agree with my friend.

No matter how good technology gets, no matter how advanced surgery gets, and definitely no matter how much effort, money, and care it takes – no man can be a woman. He will never smell as good, look as good, feel as good – and absolutely never be as beautiful.

Because a woman’s beauty and a man’s beauty are not the same, not equal, not interchangeable.

A woman is as different as she can be from a man – and still be 100% human. A man is as different as he can be from a woman – and still be 100% human.

Anyone who believes a man can become a woman must also believe that the night sky can become the stars, that the frame can become the painting, the page can become the story, the dress can become the body.

Starlit

But no matter how similar the two – it is impossible for one to become the other, because the one is meant for the other, and the other for the one.

But it is understandable why any man would want to become a woman. Who does not want to be beauty? Who does not want to be the person he most adores, admires, cherishes and loves?

So did men get cheated then? Did men lose out somewhere in the scheme? Did we get suckered out of the bargain?

No.

No, because when man holds woman – he supports the stars, he protects and presents the painting, he carries the tale, he embraces the beautiful body. He gets to hold beauty, gets to be with beauty. He gets to care for beauty. He gets to love her.

TOB Inspired,

-Evan/Even/Ivan/Evian/Ev/Evon/Kevin/Evin/etc.

[Written originally in Autumn 2012]