The Confessions of the Joker


That’s right… even the Joker is serious about the Sacrament of Confession and Reconciliation! Have a listen to his conversion story!

Here’s the transcript:


Most of you know me as the Joker. When Evan heard about my conversion, he contacted me and asked I could share my experience on Holy Smack. I said, I’d love to, but only if I could say whatever I wanted. He said okay. So here goes…

Last time you saw me, I wasn’t in a really good mood.
I killed people.
For fun.
I almost destroyed Gotham.
For fun.
And I tore down Gotham’s White Knight.
But her Dark Knight… oh, that Bat Man flipped my life around.
You see, while I was in prison, I was kept in isolation, and for good reason. I was insane.
And I never had any visitors. Except for one man.
He was a Catholic priest.
And he told me something I’ll never forget. In fact, I’m gonna tell you what he said, and I hope you’ll never forget it either:

You see, in confession, all your sins just… disappear.
You go into the confessional, and there’s the priest. Just sittin there. You can be anonymous to him, and he doesn’t care. You can tell him anything, even everything, and he doesn’t care. You think you’re sins are special? Original? Yeah… right… there was only one original sin, and Adam and Eve beat you to it long time ago…

Anyway, the priest can’t tell other people what you confess. What’s spoken in confession, really does stay ONLY in confession. He can’t tell your friends (if you have any), he can’t tell the police (yup, separation of Church and State at its best and original form), he can’t tell a recording device, he can’t tell another priest (not even the Pope!), and he can’t tell even your own sweet mother…

That’s called the seal of the confessional. And whatever you confess stays between you and Jesus. In fact, most priests even forget your sins as soon as you walk out the door. The Holy Spirit gives them a holy amnesia, otherwise, can you imagine living life knowing all the sleaze people do? It’d drive you crazy! Not to mention that confession can even get boring after you hear the same sin for the thousandth time… but don’t go out and try to impress a priest now! Trust me, that’s beside the point.

But in confession, you’re in hand to hand combat with the devil. Satan is a fiend. Worse than what I ever was. And he doesn’t want you there. He doesn’t want you anywhere near confession, because in confession, you’re really near the Lord. Confession is actually more powerful than exorcism! And in confession, you’re humbling yourself, and the devil is one prideful, stuck up jerk. And in confession, he’s hiding in the shadows of your past.

And the closer you get to Jesus, digging up your history of sins (and it might me from 5 years back, 20 years back, or maybe even just 20 minutes back), the stronger the light breaks in. Oh man… that light burns, like 10,000 UVA and UVB. And it obliterates the shadows. That’s when you can see the worst sins trying to get away from confession — they want to hide from being exposed. They first try to convince you that they’re no big deal, small fry, no more sins here, just move on. But keep going after them, and they get nasty. Then they try to convince you they’re too big for forgiveness, way too big to be rid of, way too much and you can’t handle it… you’ll be so embarassed by them.

Don’t listen to those lies. In fact, that’s when you know for sure this festering thing has to be purged. So grab it, and it’s black greasy tentacles will freak out. Like some leprous octopus. So drag it out into the light, spit it out in confession, and it’ll scream: “Let me go! Jesus can’t forgive you! You’re disgusting! Leave me alone!”

But that’s it’s last words. Because Lumen Christi — the light of Christ, that’s right, I know my Latin — His light sears and cuts that demon down, and it fizzles off like a fart in the wind. Nothing left. Just… gone.

That’s the power of the priest’s absolution: Christ working through the obedient and docile man, so he can pluck off and chop up the leeches that sucked on your soul. If you need to know how ugly sin is, just look up images of leeches and lampreys and pelican eels, and remember that sin is even uglier.

And now, why am I telling you this? Well because it worked for me.

I went to confession. And I confessed a sin that was festering in me since I was a little 10 year old boy. No matter how much a tried to stop, I just couldn’t keep clean. It haunted me, perverted me, and I lost control of my childhood. I was addicted; I became evil. But I didn’t want to stay this way.

So thank God. Because after that confession, that sin no longer had any control over me, and today, I’m free. Even in prison, my soul is free. I feel stronger and better today than I can ever remember!

And if it can work for me, it can work for you.

Now, all I need to do is try and talk like a normal person again… baby steps… baby steps…

God love you.


The Dark Knight Fails

Dark Knight Rises

The Dark Knight Trilogy is by far my favorite in film history. Many things were simply done right in the story, but a few things could’ve been better. But since I have a reputation for nitpicking the negatives, I’ve decided to write about more redeeming things.

Except…Miranda and Bruce

Do you remember the scene in The Dark Knight Rises, when Bruce and Miranda share an intimate night together in his lonesome mansion? Yes – the scene that didn’t need to be in the movie at all. Yes – the scene that was followed by a silly shot of Batman overlooking a Gotham sunrise, standing atop a skyscraper, triumphantly posed as if he just accomplished a rite of passage into manhood.

Batman Surveys Gotham

Yes, that one-night-stand between Wayne and Tate. What was it all about? Why have it in the storyline?

Here’s what I think (SPOILER ALERT):

In Bruce’s loneliness after being abandoned by business, boss, and butler, he finds a lovely young woman in Miranda – someone also interested in him. Together, they share something proper only for a married man and woman to share. But it doesn’t end there.

Every act of love-making has consequences. And in this case, Bruce just cursed himself. How so?

1. Miranda turns out to have been only using sex to gain Bruce’s trust (where Bruce was using love only to gain sex).

2. As a consequence of using and being used, Bruce falls for someone out to manipulate him even more. Miranda is Talia al Ghul, none other than Ra’s al Ghul’s vengeance-bound daughter out to finish her psycho-father’s plan to terrorize Gotham.

3. Because of Bruce’s weakness and lust, he fell for Talia’s treachery, which made him overlook a lot of clues a virtuous Batman would’ve noticed sooner and used sooner to track down Bane and the League of Shadows resurgent.

4. Finally, Bruce’s weakness and lust betrayed Selina – his true love, his true friend and companion, despite her stained history. Because he gave away the gift of his body and love to Miranda, he failed in keeping himself for Selina, and that deprives Selina of what she rightfully deserves as Bruce’s bride.

If you are hoping to find your spouse one day, please think of him or her right now:

Men: she’s out there somewhere, waiting to meet you. Wouldn’t you want her to be keeping herself, saving herself for you? Shouldn’t you do the same?

Women: he’s out there looking for you, eager to meet you. Wouldn’t you want him to keep himself, save himself for you, because of how special you are? Shouldn’t you do the same?

[Happily Ever After...]

[Happily Ever After…]